Something new.

So I have never been big on blogging or anything of this sort. In high school I kept a prayer journal and my sophomore and junior I wrote in that journal each and every day. I would carry this beat up notebook back and forth to school with me everyday. The more I think about this I look back and see that that definitely helped me always be aware of God in my life. I'm starting this blog because I have been in a rut lately. Not that I am depressed or even that I feel sad. I just feel as if something is missing; I know what that thing is too. The hard thing is figuring out how to get it back. Through high school I was one of the biggest Christians at school. That would have been my "label", if you will. While I don't doubt that coming to college and finding some really solid friends has been a terrific point in my life, I also see it as my downfall. Going to a Christian college is very safe. In high school I loved the fact that every time I would wear a church shirt, it was a risk. It was a risk in the sense that people would notice it and in some cases even ask about my shirt. Here at EMU, you see church shirts all the time. We pray in classes occasionally and religion is seen around every corner, which makes it harder for me to share my faith. I found it more fulfilling to be a light to those who did not have Christ in their life. I am by no means an evangelist and constantly proclaiming my faith. But because in my high school days it was rare to be a Christian and really live a life for Christ people would notice when you did live a life for Him. I don't really know where I am going with this except that I want to be challenged. I want to be a light to people again, yet I feel stuck. 
This summer I started working at Chick-fil-A, and I love, love, love that I am surrounded, for the most part, by people who want to do the same thing, live a life for Christ. That has sparked my flame even more. I want to be a light, and I want to do it now. I want to make a difference and live my life for the God who created me. The God who loves me and wants me to love Him just as much. I want to give my entire life to God and hold nothing back. Yet, somewhere in all these wants I just can't do it. My hope is that by putting words down on a page, and making myself vulnerable to other people and letting people see into my thoughts, I will come to some realization about what He wants for my life. Ultimately, it is all up to God, and it will all work out in His plan...in His time. 
I heard this song as soon as I started typing on here and it brought tears (good tears) to my eyes so I want to share.

When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God, somebody said
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
Do you know what you are getting yourself into


The title of my blog is going to be "How I roll" because if you know me, I like to think I am a little gangster sometimes ;) But also because I am absolutely in love with Britt Nicole's songs. Every single one of her songs has something to say to me, and I am truly amazed at the way her music has influenced me. So that's that. This blog is going to be about How I roll. 


I know that everyone's running
Just trying to get away.
Life can feel like a rat race
like every day, so mundane.

But I'm saying hey, hey, oh, oh
I'm not getting caught in the undertow
I'll be taking it easy and taking it slow
I'm never gonna follow
No!

Turn it up, make it loud on your radio
we're gonna dance everywhere we go
everybody knows that's how we roll.
-How We Roll, Britt Nicole